Almost at the end of April 2017.
- Stone777
- Apr 23, 2017
- 5 min read
It's weekend and I am at home. No work this weekend and no going out. :( I guess that is the way of the world for most gay men stuck in the closet.
I take full responsibility for that. I could have made the change much earlier in my life and I chose to not do so. If I'd been out earlier when I was younger, my social life would have been better. Would probably have had more friends. It should change and it will change!
Well... in the light of having more friends. I have heard of GRINDR a while back but did not want to use the app for some or other reason. I then heard more about it on Youtube (coming out vlogs) recently. I decided to download the App. Did so and I ran the app immediately. Well well well! On the positive side... great app to meet people anonymously and discreetly. Immediately there were blokes who saw this new fish (staying in a small town). No photo yet. I checked out the guys and their profiles and it made sense. Just enough information so that you can get a head start. Some were open. Others closeted like myself. And then you get the NSA people. I understand, they just want to have fun. Don't we all?
While in the App for a couple of minutes or so, a guy messaged me and it sounded interesting. Handsome dude. About my age. He wants to meet like the same day at some pub in town. He is here for work. Then came the dick pics. (I could pick up where this was leading) Chatted about this and that. he insisted we meet for a beer. Hell! I've never been out for tens of years and this guy wants to hit it off. I was tempted and I had to make a decision. He even went as far as giving me a time to meet! Enticing, but way tooooo risky. I thought about going and just chatting. But this is a small town and things can quickly get "out of hand." I wasn't prepared to go that route as yet. I opted not to go. And of course... he wasn't happy. I guess I shouldn't have judged the situation by its cover but it was too obvious that he was looking for some meat to eat.
Here I was discovering myself and I think I wasn't ready for that. It is just so tempting and one can easily get lost...
I actually mentioned in my Bio that I was not out yet and here this guy wants us to meet in a public place. Oh well, I guess he got the picture that I'm not "happy with myself"? I guess also that I am from the old school generation that wants to chat and gradually get to know the other person. And then see how things pan out. I am not a young man and time waits for no one but there is no rush in doing things that way. I would probably do it if I stay in a bigger place (city) and meet someone in a restaurant or something like that. Here it is a bit tooooo "risky".
The other thing about GRINDR... small town... 10 or so guys are nearby... the rest are more than a 150 miles away.
Still have it on my phone and I check now and then. When :( I'm out, I will try and take it as a challenge. I think I wlll try it again when I am out...
There were some discreet couples, singles, married men, etc. in this area. But no one yet that I am comfortable with. There are some "decent" guys but that will have to wait for a while, I guess.
I actually tried local dating sites but found it also a bit daunting as I am not out and most people who GRIND and those who are on dating sites are OUT. So that is a bit of a problem. Like I said, most people (on these sites and on GRINDR) are miles ahead and here I am still taking baby steps. They want commitment and serious relationships or just NSA action. Maybe I should just take the plunge. Will keep you posted if I find "someone like me" - Adele!
I think I will also try the dating sites again. Somewhere out there the right person is waiting. Dating sites are too many but I think I need to choose the right one and concentrate on what is happening there. Try and get in touch with those that I am comfortable with. I know that love or the right person will not just walk into the door. It has to be something that will grow on you and with you. So will tell you more if and when I take that route again.
So I spoke to you about Johnny (Equality America). Sent him an email to check and see why his vlogs stopped about a year ago. He replied and explained why he stopped vlogging (until further notice) and why he hasn't done any new ones in almost over a year. I hope he does come back. Honestly... he is a great guy and I've been watching his videos periodically. Do not want to finish them all in one go. OK, the reason why he features here is because he is just an awesome, down to earth, real and cool guy. He is just easy to listen to and he makes sense. I can relate to what he has been through and he is just great. Did I say that already? He is like a breath of fresh air. OK. Check him out (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCU_yrdoODdiFYNaTf7Qu-Mw). Will keep you posted the minute there is new content. All the best, Johnny and I sincerely hope you come back soon and I wish you everything of the best! the world is your oyster!
I have watched a lot of "coming out" videos and I am following a couple of dudes (Youtube) and will share with you my favorites in an upcoming blog.
In the meanwhile, look after yourself, keep your feet on the ground and reach for the stars! Peace and love to you.
PS: In last week I heard a heartbreaking story on radio about a young man in his early twenties and his struggles and what he has been through in life. I was in tears at one stage. Also interesting way of how I heard about it. It is a 2 part radio story and I havent heard the second part as yet. I sure hope and pray that it has a positive ending!
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