Here is wishing you all the best for the New Year that is ahead. Its been a quiet start and I'm busy with work which is at its busiest this time of the year. I love doing it and I will tell you more about my actual business / job a little later.
I thought of telling you a little more about my childhood as. I have mentioned before that I did not really have a problem or issues with regards to my sexuality while growing up. I sort of realized or became aware of my different sexual orientation when I was around 12 or 13. I think before that I was sort of not in a place to understand my whole orientation but I can remember that I was different.
My parents got married at a young age (at least my mom did - 24). My dad was at a good age and they are from the same town. My dad had a regular job most of his life. My mom worked later on in life. I have siblings... brothers. We had a normal life. We had enough if you could put it that way.
Junior school is sort of a blur and nothing much to remember other than the fact that I was different. When I came to high school I was more aware of my sexual orientation and noticeably so because I knew what my preferences were. There was a girl in my 1st and 2nd year of high school that I adored. It was like that because at that stage I perhaps still thought that it was the right thing to do. All other boys had one or two so it was just right for me to also do the same. That relationship sort of fizzled out towards the end of my grade 10 year. We did not really see each other. It was more of a distant relationship with a letter or two in between. There was no dating involved, but when I think back I can remember the butterflies I had when thinking of her or meeting her at school.
Also at that time I was more aware of my attraction I had towards boys. Like I mentioned in an earlier blog... there were a couple of instances where I had sexual encounters with boys. I think I went into more detail about that elsewhere.
There was a girl in my final year of high school that I "dated". We were an item of sorts and she was my first real "steady girl" at the age of 18. Also the first girl I kissed! That was during my final year in high school. When she left town after that, it was all over. No calls, letters or anything. I actually saw her for the first time again after many years. Wow! She looked great and of course, like most of my peers, married with children. I always dreaded the million dollar question... : "And you, you married...? kids...?" Urggggh! Anyway, I guess it is a fair question, considering that I was attractive. People always say and I am sure I must have been the topic of discussion because of my single status...."He must be gay!?" Oh well... another fair question / statement.
That was it as far as relationships were concerned... very innocent, forced and a "lie".
Back to my family... My dad was OK and my mom was the faithful wife. We wouldn't dare do the wrong thing considering how strict my dad was. But he only wanted what was best for us. The same goes for mom. I would say that I wasn’t very close to my dad. Maybe a bit closer to mom. I actually wish that our parents were more involved in our lives like most “TV” parents are today. From my humble perspective… people should not have children if they are not ready or if they do not know what it is all about.
We have neighbours and their children are just there. You do not often see them having fun or just being a family. Whether they planned to have children and knowing how to raise them is a great question.
I think my parents were not really ready to have children. They should have perhaps waited until they were a bit more mature. It would have given us a better future in some ways. They would have then been wiser and more informed about raising children.
That is a whole different topic… My parents and their families were not well off. So as young adults they worked hard to live a “normal” life. For instance… we had to go and watch TV at an aunt’s place when TV came out. We had one grandparent. She was also just a housewife but the sweetest and kindest woman on the planet! So I haven’t really known the other three. Both granddads died when they were young and both of them fought in World War II. Both of them were heavy drinkers and I think the abuse of liquor lead to their early deaths. My mom's mom passed on when my mom was very young.
I would have wished for my parents to have had a good school education and also formal training but that was never possible considering the early deaths of both granddads. They were the breadwinners. Things would have been so much more different for us if they had better opportunities. I always remind my brother that WE have to make things better for our children… referring of course to his children.
(About me being gay…) I never had problems with my older brothers. Problems of a homosexual nature. Never any words or questions about my orientation. I am sure they must have thought about it. That was that. My parents… I don’t know. Would they have known… questioned it somewhere in their lives…? hell I can honestly say that don’t think so. Fleeting thought…”I would have also loved it if my parents were MORE affectionate towards us.” hence the fact I mentioned earlier on about parents being ready to have children.
I guess family and friends have just accepted that I will just not get married one day. And they are perhaps right. And I am sure my sexuality was discussed somewhere. That is the way of the world. And it is still like that…
Peace for now…
