Here is wishing you all the best for the New Year that is ahead. Its been a quiet start and I'm busy with work which is at its busiest this time of the year. I love doing it and I will tell you more about my actual business / job a little later.
OK... So that was January 2017. Just about 3 months ago. Most of the work is now completed with an order or two still outstanding. Business wise it was a slow start to the year. It is an industry that has a lot of potential and I have recently started marketing on a "biggish" scale. And the response is great. One assignment will probably cover all my postage and printing for all my marketing. So that is something worth expanding. I can drive from town to town to do marketing, but that will be toooo time consuming. I received a huge amount of addresses of possible clients... Will keep you posted as to how that is going.
Oh yes... It is April 2017 and I am still where I left you last. I would like to think a little more wiser and more aware. I still watch "coming out" videos and it is just very helpful and informative. There is a lot of regret, especially when you watch guys coming out in their early twenties. You try and put yourself in their shoes and you know that it will never be the same. But then again... I believe that God has a plan for every person on this earth. Maybe I do not see the "value" of the plan now, but someday I will and someday it will all work out. I know time is marching on but you can imagine the GUILT that i am dealing with.
In this week I've been following this cool vlog by a guy whose name I do not know... All I know is that his Youtube channel is called "Equality America" here is the link https://www.youtube.com/user/EqualityAm I just stumbled upon his videos and it was just cool to watch him present himself and his life story. The last video posted was about a year ago. i think. So he is not around for the last couple of months? Oh well. I just hope he is OK. It would be such a shame if something happened to him. Would he be a great candidate to date? Hell yes... he is totally beyond appealing! I am sure he will have a great life ahead of him and I would love to follow his journey. God bless him!
Anyway... he is the type of person that says and brings across his stories in such a believable way. How I wish I was his age. And I can relate to his stories. Have not been following others or similar content except for the odd TV series on Youtube or movie.
Then there was this one movie that I loved to pieces. Only watch it once and I could easily be any of the two main characters. Awesome story although I would love to see a sequel. Now that would be super cool... with of course the same actors. Which is usually highly unlikely.
The Plot... The film is set in Israel, where the Palestinian student Nimer Mashrawi (Nicholas Jacob) is heading to Tel Aviv to meet his friend Mustafa N'amnais (Loai Nofi) at a gay bar. While at the bar, he meets a local Israeli lawyer named Roy Schaefer (Michael Aloni). The pair fall in love, though Nimer struggles with the reality of their relationship. The Palestinian society rejects Nimer because of his sexual orientation, whereas the Israeli society rejects him due to to his nationality. The situation is made worse for Nimer when his friend Mustafa is caught illegally hiding in Tel Aviv and sent back to the West Bank, where he is murdered by extremists for being homosexual. Nimer discovers that his own brother Nabil Mashrawi (Jamil Khoury) is one of those responsible for Mustafa's death, and is worried that it is only a matter of time before he, too, is sent back, and suffers the same fate - Wikipedia. Free to watch on Youtube. And it has English sub titles.
Awesome story line... Definitely worth to see. Give it a go! Then again with films, people can learn so much. Like about homosexuality for instance. Just like someone would learn from what I have written here. If you read about my thoughts, you would understand me so much better. You will know exactly where I am coming from and where I am heading. It is the same as depression. You cannot rightfully judge those with depression if you've never been through it. I guess you can judge... but you will never know what it is really like if you haven't had to deal with it yourself.
To think I have been struggling with my sexuality for so many years and that family and friends are still none the wiser about the gay topic. I can just imagine what people did in the 40's, 50's and the 60's... What did they have other then other gay men to learn from? We have it so much "easier" now. Easier because we can learn from so many of our friends that are going through the exact same life situation via Youtube or any other electronic tool. I guess that is why I have taken so long to get to the coming out point. There was just no HELP for someone like me on the road of discovery in the 80's or 90's. I think if we had what people have now to help them, I would have been out many years ago.
That is water under the bridge... I will have to deal with it in my own way.
At one stage in my life in my teens and twenties I actually thought that I had HIV/AIDS. I could not have been exposed because I never had contact with anyone whom I think was a high risk at that time. What made me believe that was all the information overload during the time the Aids bomb exploded. I was petrified. But I somehow only later put 2 and 2 together that the possibility of me having the disease was zero. Stupid I know. That was the time when Liberace and Rock Hudson died because of Aids. Tragic!
I think the reason why I also did not come out then was because of the whole Aids thing. Scared I guess that I will somehow pick it up.
In my twenties I suffered my second bad bout of depression. So much so that I had to go to an institution for help. I spent a couple of days there but it didn't really help. What triggered it at that time is still a blur. Going through that depression low and coming out on the other side is actually some sort of a game changer. You experience a very low "feeling" and you lose your grip of time and things that happened in that phase. It probably lasted for a couple of days. Week or two... I can't really remember. Getting out "alive" on the other side is like getting your life back again from someone. You feel "high" and that you can achieve so much. it is the best feeling in the world. I was given Prozac at some stage but never really took it. I read up about depression and just knew that I would snap out of it. And I did! Thank God!
I was about 27 - 28 at that time... I think. And the next bout probably happened a couple of years later. I guess the whole depression thing came about because of the fact that I was gay and that I couldn't otherwise deal with it. Pray that you never ever have to go through depression. It is the shittest feeling in the whole wide world...
I have to love and leave you for now. Will try to not stay away tooooooooo long! Peace!
